I’ve got a spare ten minutes so I thought I’d write something. Anything.
Well, my hair's looking good today, you'll be pleased to know. The Bohemian bouffant look is very in. Very now.
I got told off (again) today by an old lady. I’d left some screws on the pavement and she was waving at them with her walking stick.
She's a nice woman, really, with mauve hair, bent back, thin rouged lips and a wobbly voice. I was polite and she tottered off waving her stick in the air.
She had got barely five feet away when her bum exploded. The blast was so violent and so sudden that it actually made me jump. A cat on a nearby car bonnet scrambled off in a panic and froze on the road.
The old woman didn't stop or say anything, she just carried on walking, albeit slightly quicker.
The second blast was more sustained, more vuvuzela. The cat shot me a shiny green glance as if to say, 'I don’t know what that is but I’m just gonna start running', and flattening itself to about one inch high it slid away, picking up speed before disappearing as a low dark blur under a hedge.
There were more cannonades, but I’d already run inside the house, partly for safety reasons, and partly so that the old woman couldn’t hear my hysterics. I didn’t stop laughing for about an hour.
Sorry, I've nothing else to say yet.